People who have the ability...
...to cry uncontrollably have always held my admiration. It has always been difficult for me to express sorrow in this way. Instead of crying, I internalize, meaning I don’t do much of anything, except for hold a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach for not crying. In the past I’ve carried this feeling around for years.
I was a little relieved when Q said, "Yo, cuz…I feel the same way."
I grew up far away from my extended family, but I never felt like I didn’t have one. Even though the time that I spent with my Grandmother was short, she gave me the type of memories that I’d expect from a person who would have had me over for dinner every weekend.
"That was Granny, she gave love that was worth a lifetime.", Q responded.
And I saw this when you met her for the first time. She held you as if you were here own, because in a way you are. And at that moment the love and happiness she experienced when meeting you was stronger than her cancer.
"I don’t mean to sound cliché or anything, but she looked like she was sleeping. Man, she really looked at peace.", Q said right before we ended our conversation.
The early AM sky no longer held the mystery of Halloween, but an air of loss I as stood out in the empty parking lot of a Chinese restaurant. After circling in my car for hours, listening to music and trying to shed more than a few miniscule tears I prepared for my long ride home. During the ride I prepared for the feeling that was awaiting me.
When I woke up this morning I was calm. I realized that my salvation lied within you. Specifically, I can teach you to walk in your Grandmother’s name and make her proud of your steps. And the only way I can do this is by example, by making her proud of me.
Hopefully, I will cry for my Grandmother.
Until then I will walk for her.
I was a little relieved when Q said, "Yo, cuz…I feel the same way."
I grew up far away from my extended family, but I never felt like I didn’t have one. Even though the time that I spent with my Grandmother was short, she gave me the type of memories that I’d expect from a person who would have had me over for dinner every weekend.
"That was Granny, she gave love that was worth a lifetime.", Q responded.
And I saw this when you met her for the first time. She held you as if you were here own, because in a way you are. And at that moment the love and happiness she experienced when meeting you was stronger than her cancer.
"I don’t mean to sound cliché or anything, but she looked like she was sleeping. Man, she really looked at peace.", Q said right before we ended our conversation.
The early AM sky no longer held the mystery of Halloween, but an air of loss I as stood out in the empty parking lot of a Chinese restaurant. After circling in my car for hours, listening to music and trying to shed more than a few miniscule tears I prepared for my long ride home. During the ride I prepared for the feeling that was awaiting me.
When I woke up this morning I was calm. I realized that my salvation lied within you. Specifically, I can teach you to walk in your Grandmother’s name and make her proud of your steps. And the only way I can do this is by example, by making her proud of me.
Hopefully, I will cry for my Grandmother.
Until then I will walk for her.
