Saturday, May 01, 2004

Snitchie McSnoop of the Bush Shadow Cross Clan

Pretty stupid name, huh?

Admittedly so, but it’s not without warrant. Follow the reasoning.

Snitchie McSnoop is the type of name given to a man that:

when you first move into the neighborhood everyone has something negative to say about him, but you are not one to listen to the he-say-she-say and decide to give him a fair one;

does not have a job (at least one that anyone knows of) and can be found creeping around the perimeters of his property, peeping in adjacent houses, yards, and trash cans;

always seems to be angry, maybe for the fact that his life has more years associated to it than options;

proclaims to be a “Man of God” then goes into detail of how he would shoot the Reverend if he ever looked at his wife again;

has called the police on neighbors for as so much as putting up a birdhouse on their property without a city permit;

was the sole supporter of a criminal who held an elderly woman from the neighborhood captive in her own house;

does not have anything good to say about anyone;

surprises you when he pops out of nowhere to offer his assistance;

does not surprise you when he then says his assistance comes at a price;

gets a little salted when his offer is graciously declined;

comes back with a trivial matter and threatens you with a lawsuit.

Come on, dog. Your fair one has just expired. You messed up.

Now, Snitchie McSnoop is the type of name that is born on a day when you’re heated and can be found on your porch, killin’ Coronas with a couple of your Aces. In that setting it’s hard not to start thinking and get amped. But one of your buddies is a high school teacher and the other is on parole. Starting to wild would not be good for anyone. So after about a case and a few “if this were a few years ago” stories a name is born.

Now when I see him I say, “Wassup Snitchie” He doesn’t seem to like it, but my neighbors have taken a shining to it. And I laugh. And I will continue to laugh until he makes his second mistake by knocking on my door. Then playtime’s over. I might be young, and at certain things I might be inexperienced, but on that day he’ll find out the one thing I’m definitely not…the Reverend.