Damn Chris, maybe you should get that looked at.
For the past month my calves have felt like two overstuffed sausages. I’ve been in so much pain that I haven’t been able to strut, so on Friday I went to Beth Israel. Once admitted, I was the poster child for helplessness…the bracelet, the hospital gown, socks, and no drawers….all laid up in bed. I was there for several hours while they ran tests on my heart, liver, and kidneys. I was there for so long that Due to the influx of stabbing victims it was deemed that I could be moved from my comfortably private curtained area to a not so private area…out in the hallway by the public toilets. Well, besides being so close to the facilities I didn’t mind being out in the hall. I sat up in my bed and just watched people. It was like an episode of E.R. except a lot more vomiting and flushing. And I wasn’t the only patient who was lying out there. They brought in a middle-aged woman who was “obviously on dem things” and I watched her zone in and out of conversations and consciousness for several hours. Finally, after 10 hours the doctor came over to me (at first I thought he had to use the bathroom again), told me my blood tests came back fine, my x-rays were fine, he has no idea what’s going on with my legs, but he was willing to prescribe me something for the pain. Pointing at the middle-aged woman I said, “I hope it’s not the same thing she had.”
Sitting at work all day sometimes leaves my muscles a little tight, so when the doctor released me I wasn’t surprised that after ten hours I could barely walk. The pain was unimaginable and I slowly started to make my way past the middle-aged woman on my way out the E.R. Without warning she emerged from what I thought was near death and grabbed my arm. Shocked, I looked at her and said, “Ummm…I don’t work here.”
“Oh….do you have any gum or a mint?”, she asked.
“No, I wish I did. I’ve been here all day and I haven’t had anything to eat or drink.”, I replied.
She looked at me, then looked in the distance as if she was trying to figure out the calculations of a complex plan and asked, “Well, can you go down to the cafeteria and get me a slice of pizza?”
And I gave her a look that said, “A slice of pizza?!!! Lady, I can barely walk! And you want me to go down all those stairs and back up so I can bring your strung out @ss a slice a pizza?!! And on top of all that I don’t see any money in your hand! Is my reward for torturing myself on six flights of stairs gonna be the chance to dig in my pocket and pull out two beans to pay for your slice?! With my luck by the time I make it back upstairs you’ll be going into convulsions and I’ll be out two bucks with a cold slice of pizza in my hands. And let me play devil’s advocate for a second…say I did have the physical ability to make it to the cafeteria. I’M STARVING! Don’t you think I would have at least already have gotten myself something to eat?!!!!”
She dropped my arm like a rotten fish, turned away, and said, “Hmmpf”
I limped away and muttered, “Damn crackheads.”
>:( -official mad grill
Sitting at work all day sometimes leaves my muscles a little tight, so when the doctor released me I wasn’t surprised that after ten hours I could barely walk. The pain was unimaginable and I slowly started to make my way past the middle-aged woman on my way out the E.R. Without warning she emerged from what I thought was near death and grabbed my arm. Shocked, I looked at her and said, “Ummm…I don’t work here.”
“Oh….do you have any gum or a mint?”, she asked.
“No, I wish I did. I’ve been here all day and I haven’t had anything to eat or drink.”, I replied.
She looked at me, then looked in the distance as if she was trying to figure out the calculations of a complex plan and asked, “Well, can you go down to the cafeteria and get me a slice of pizza?”
And I gave her a look that said, “A slice of pizza?!!! Lady, I can barely walk! And you want me to go down all those stairs and back up so I can bring your strung out @ss a slice a pizza?!! And on top of all that I don’t see any money in your hand! Is my reward for torturing myself on six flights of stairs gonna be the chance to dig in my pocket and pull out two beans to pay for your slice?! With my luck by the time I make it back upstairs you’ll be going into convulsions and I’ll be out two bucks with a cold slice of pizza in my hands. And let me play devil’s advocate for a second…say I did have the physical ability to make it to the cafeteria. I’M STARVING! Don’t you think I would have at least already have gotten myself something to eat?!!!!”
She dropped my arm like a rotten fish, turned away, and said, “Hmmpf”
I limped away and muttered, “Damn crackheads.”
>:( -official mad grill
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