In a nutshell.

1. I’d never thought I’d say this but….mantyhose are a godsend.
   
2. Here are two sentences that nobody likes to hear at the pharmacy:
   1. Sorry Mr. B------, your insurance doesn’t cover this.
   2. That will be eighty-five dollars.
   That’s when you start to consider holistic healing.
3. All one needs to do to build a 12 foot load-bearing wall is take one long holiday weekend and subtract all beer, beach, and BBQs from the equation.
   
4. I can’t believe I built this thing. Not only does this wall keep the kitchen on the second floor from crashing down on the first floor kitchen it is also strong enough to stop an invasion of blood thirsty barbarians with battering rams. There will be no pillaging at my house anytime soon. Especially after I set up the vat of hot oil on the roof.
5. When nightfall came my friends decided to pop-in for some grill n’ chill. I decided to stay in my bedroom and watch the Twilight Zone marathon on SciFi. They stayed long after the last firework fizzled out while I fizzled out before the fireworks.
   
6. The next morning I woke up to two trash bags full of discarded beer bottles left from their chill session. And their effort would have been impressive, if I hadn’t finished off a whole bag of chocolate chip cookies and a gallon of milk that same night. I guess we all have our weaknesses.
7. The Chocolate Thunder Boy Wonder saw an essential project in distress. His arch enemy Mister-Pass-Da-Buck had infected the project with his patented style of mismanagement. Through all of the panic and confusion the Chocolate One swooped down and put the project and everyone involved on his shoulders. He then turned heaven, earth, and his social life upside down to safely deliver the project to the scheduled deadline of July 1st. Thus, keeping someone else’s promise and possibly saving the jobs of a few slack-jawed on-lookers.
8. The following day Mister-Pass-Da-Buck sends the Chocolate One an “Oh, you did such a great job----our staff really appreciates you----you provided me with the comfort and flexibility” e-mail. Now, the Chocolate Thunder Boy Wonder is not above being bitter. In fact one of his weaknesses is that he holds a grudge with a death grip.
9. That same day the Chocolate One had a discussion with his boss and got clearance to sit Mister-Pass-Da-Buck down for “The Stern Straight-Faced Talk”. With that clearance he can now freely use his superpowers to counteract the feeling of bitterness without having his actions misinterpreted as being evil. *standing on desk with cape blowing in the office fan*
   
10. What’s the point of a credit card company offering 24-hour online payment options if they are going tell people that due to the holiday they cannot process a payment until Tuesday morning? I know certain stores close on holidays, but who closes their web site? At least a warning would have been nice. Come Tuesday, I better not see a late fee.
    
11. Why didn’t someone tell me Spiderman came out this weekend? Heated!!!